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TikTok Dating Trend: Benching

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Learn all about the new tiktok dating trend: benching. What is it, what are its’ effects, and how do you build a healthy relationship?

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In the ever-evolving world of dating, new trends and terminologies constantly emerge, reflecting the changing dynamics of romantic relationships. One such TikTok dating trend that has gained traction, is known as “benching.” This phenomenon describes a scenario in which someone keeps another person as a backup option while actively pursuing or maintaining interest in someone else. In this article, we will delve into the intricacies of benching, exploring its implications, recognizing the signs, and understanding how the digital age, dating apps, and messaging options might be contributing to this unsettling trend.

TikTok Dating Trend: Benching

Benching & Ghosting

Benching, at its core, is a practice that can leave individuals feeling emotionally stranded and undervalued in the dating world. Unlike traditional ghosting, where communication abruptly ceases, benching involves maintaining intermittent contact, just enough to keep the individual on the proverbial bench while the bencher explores other romantic avenues. This behavior not only erodes trust but can also waste precious time for the person being benched.

ghosting: tiktok dating trend

Ghosting, a pervasive and disheartening trend in modern dating, involves one party abruptly cutting off communication with the other without explanation or warning. This silent exit can leave individuals bewildered and emotionally stranded, echoing feelings of rejection and confusion. Ghosting relates to benching in that both behaviors share a common theme of avoidance. While ghosting is an abrupt and complete withdrawal, benching involves maintaining sporadic contact, just enough to keep the person on the periphery. Both practices can inflict emotional harm, eroding trust and self-esteem. In navigating the complex world of dating, understanding the parallels between ghosting and benching underscores the importance of clear communication, setting boundaries, and fostering a culture of openness to ensure respectful and transparent connections.

Recognizing the TikTok Dating Signs of Benching

Identifying when you’re being benched is crucial for maintaining self-respect and making informed decisions about your dating life. Several signs may indicate that you’re on the bench, including limited availability, inconsistency in communication, and one-sided interactions. If the person you’re dating seems elusive, responds sporadically, and doesn’t invest the same level of effort into the relationship as you do, you may be experiencing benching.

Digital Age, Dating Apps, and the Rise of Benching

The prevalence of dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, TikTok and the multitude of messaging options available have undoubtedly shaped the way people connect and form relationships. While these platforms offer unprecedented access to potential partners, they also introduce new challenges, and benching appears to be one of them. The ease with which individuals can connect with others online may contribute to a lack of commitment, making it tempting for some to keep multiple options open simultaneously. It also helps explain the rise of this TikTok dating trend.

The Role of Dating Advice in Benching Culture

In the era of abundant dating advice available online, individuals may inadvertently be encouraged to adopt benching behaviors. Advice suggesting that keeping one’s options open is a prudent approach to dating can inadvertently contribute to a culture where people feel justified in benching others. Balancing the desire to explore different connections with the ethical treatment of others becomes a delicate task in this landscape.

tiktok dating trend
Avoid surface-level interests and benching and try and match with your personality type instead

It is imperative to consider compatibility beyond surface-level interests. Matching with someone who shares not only your hobbies but also your fundamental values and perspectives on life is crucial for building a strong and fulfilling connection. This extends to areas such as sex positivity and understanding one another’s stances on sensitive topics. For those on the spectrum, finding a partner who embraces and respects neurodiversity can be particularly meaningful. Establishing a foundation of shared values not only fosters a deeper emotional connection but also helps mitigate the risks of falling victim to trends like benching. By seeking compatibility in personality types and aligning on crucial aspects of life, individuals are better positioned to create relationships that are not only enduring but also mutually enriching.

Confronting Benching: Maintaining your TikTok Dating Boundaries

bumble sex positivity

If you suspect you’re being benched, it’s essential to communicate your feelings and expectations openly. Establishing clear boundaries and expressing your needs can help you navigate the dating scene with confidence and self-respect. This open dialogue should extend to crucial aspects of the relationship, including sex positivity. Being on the same page regarding attitudes toward intimacy and respecting each other’s boundaries fosters an environment of trust and understanding. Similarly, fostering a culture of open communication in relationships can contribute to a healthier dating environment, reducing the prevalence of benching. Embracing sex positivity within this framework ensures that both partners feel heard and respected, promoting a relationship built on mutual consent, comfort, and shared values.

Harmonizing Attachment Styles: A Crucial Element in Building Resilient Connections in TikTok Dating

attachment styles in tiktok dating trends

Understanding and navigating attachment styles is another crucial layer in the complex realm of modern dating, especially when addressing trends like benching. Attachment styles, rooted in early life experiences, profoundly impact how individuals connect and relate to others romantically. Whether someone leans towards secure, anxious, avoidant, or fearful attachment, recognizing and communicating about these tendencies is vital in fostering a healthy relationship. For instance, if one partner exhibits anxious attachment, they may crave reassurance and closeness, while an avoidant partner might prioritize independence. Mismatched attachment styles can lead to misunderstandings and emotional turbulence. Therefore, aligning not only on values and perspectives but also on attachment styles is a key component in building a relationship that stands the test of time, reducing the likelihood of one partner inadvertently benching the other due to unmet emotional needs. By fostering an environment of understanding and acceptance, individuals can forge connections that honor their unique attachment styles and contribute to a more harmonious and fulfilling dating experience.

Harems: The Ancient form of Benching

harems: the ancient tiktok trend of benching

In ancient times, a historical analogue to the contemporary concept of “benching” can be observed in the practice of maintaining harems. Harems were common in various cultures throughout history, particularly in the Middle East and Asia. In these contexts, powerful rulers or wealthy individuals would assemble a collection of concubines or spouses, often keeping them in a state of relative seclusion. While not a perfect analogy to modern benching, the idea of having multiple individuals available for romantic or intimate connections shares some similarities. Just as benching involves keeping someone as a potential backup, harems reflected a system where individuals were kept in reserve, awaiting the attention or favor of the primary figure. The power dynamics and implications of such practices varied across cultures, but the notion of maintaining options and controlling romantic interactions is a recurring theme that transcends time.


Benching represents a concerning trend in modern dating, fueled by the convenience of dating apps, various messaging options, and potentially misguided dating advice. As individuals navigate the complexities of forming connections in the digital age, it’s crucial to recognize the signs of benching and advocate for clear communication and mutual respect. By fostering a culture of honesty and empathy, we can collectively strive to create a dating landscape that prioritizes the emotional well-being of all individuals involved.

Further reading: TikTok Bird Test

While exploring the nuances of modern dating trends, it’s intriguing to delve into another TikTok Trend known as the “Bird Test.” Another relationship challenge storming the app.

the bird test
the bird test on tiktok

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